My teen is an amazing young man. When I look beyond the teen attitude, and the messy room, the eye rolling and the video games I know he’s still in there. His outer packing may hide it, but my sweet, caring boy is still there. Every once in a while he reminds me. Take yesterday for example, he wasn’t feeling great and had been complaining about it all day. His 3 year old sister was playing quite loudly and obnoxiously near him. He got up from the sofa, I was certain it was because he’d had enough and was retreating to his man cave. Instead what happened melted my heart and reminded me of who he is deep down to the core. He walked over to her put his arms out and said “Can I have a hug?”
As soon as the big squeeze was over my tiny little girl looked and him and said “I love you Aussie.” He stood up, nodded his head and said “I love you too!” Looking content with the situation he then left for his room.
It was so random, so unexpected, and so beautiful. This mama was proud!
I’ve been playing the moment over and over in my head trying to figure it all out. She hadn’t ASKED for a hug, she didn’t appear to need a hug. Wait! That’s it! She didn’t need the hug. He did, and his sister knew it!
It was like this light bulb went off in my head. It was one of those moments that you-know-who would call an “Ah-ha moment”. Finally I was having one. This revelation leads me to think about the last time I had hugged my boy. It had been several weeks prior and it was a jokey, one off group hug type thing. Not a proper “I love you” type hug. Somewhere along the line those hugs we cherish so much when they are little, just seemed to stop. I didn’t make a conscious decision to stop hugging him. I know at one point he started getting funny about it, worried people would see his lame mom loving him.
I grew up in a house where the same thing happened. The hugs just stopped. I don’t want that for my family. I don’t want us to grow apart and get cold. I want us to be the family seen in every holiday movie where the grown children come rushing in the door to hug mom. Is that silly? Perhaps the fact that my desire is based on the big screen, but deep down I think it’s what close knit families do?
I guess what I have learned from this one tiny little perfect moment between my children. I need to right my wrong. I need to reintroduce the hug. I just have to decide if I just jump in and do it, or if I share this post with him, and explain that like that day when he needed it, we all need a hug to remind us we’re family.
Thank you Coleen for this wonderful post!
Great post, Coleen.
I cherish the hugs too, especially with two teens in the household who are now bigger than me. I think hugs are good for all of us and help keep us connected. I’d show him — and hug him. (At one of those receptive teen moments…)
P.S. What a sweetheart to hug his sister like that!