Review and Giveaway – Grow The Tree You Got

About the book:

Grow The Tree is a compilation of rules Sturges developed during his two older sons’ adolescence, when he realized that all the rules that had previously governed his parenting had gone out the window. Several of these rules were directly inspired by his work in the music business with artists such as Justin Bieber, Outkast and Shaquille O’Neal (during his rap career!). Others he developed based on his own experiences. Still more were inspired by his volunteer work with LA’s at-risk youth.

They include:

The Free-Ride Pass. Let your teenager know that you are available to pick them up, no questions asked from anywhere, no matter what they’ve been doing. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t discipline them, but rather that you are willing to momentarily overlook any bad behavior in able to help extricate them from situations that may be dangerous.

The Paul McCartney Rule (Never Be Embarassed). Paul McCartney’s wife Linda was not a great musician. When she performed with his band, Wings, she drew criticism and ridicule, but Paul refused to say anything other than ‘she’s in the band.’ Make sure your kids know that they’re in your band- end of story. Nothing they can do is so horrible or embarrassing that you wouldn’t want them on your team.

The River Rule. A river never travels in a straight line- it meanders all over the place. It changes it’s course frequently. Yet it still flows, still achieves it’s destiny. Think of your teenager as a river. Not every mistake needs correcting. Not every way requires a better way. There is no clear path…as much as possible, let your children make mistakes and learn from them themselves.
and many more.

Here is a review written by A. Montgomery. She is a friend of Teenszillas website.

“Grow the tree you got” has a great premise. It basically tells you to accept your teenager for who he is, easier said than done. You still parent, direct and dole out consequences to your teenager, but all with a healthy respect for who he is. If he wants to quit the soccer team, even though he is a great player, let him. As a parent of two teenagers, I could relate to this book. Adolescence has its turbulence, but it is also a period of developing self-knowledge. This book reminds you that the more decisions your teenager makes, the more times he faces the consequences of his decisions, the more he grows within the relative safety of adolescence. There were a couple insights in the book that helped me be a more understanding parent immediately. One is that teenagers know everything. I had forgotten that opinions on and knowledge of almost everything is a natural fallout of that budding self-awareness of adolescence. Another insight was to keep perspective. If your child does well in school, plays sports, is kind to his siblings (most of the time), should you lie awake because he is verbally disrespectful to his parents sometimes? No. You should deal with the disrespect, for sure, but without exasperation. Sturges has a couple good tips for curbing disrespectful behaviour. Sturges also touches on how apparent pushes away can actually be invitations in. One chapter ends with a table with several examples of things teenagers say, and what they really mean. For example, “I don’t care at all” can really mean “I care, I care, I care”. Overall, it was a helpful book, and an easy read. When you are in the throes of parenting a teenager, sometimes you forget that adolescence comes with its own characteristics, regardless of who your child is. At the same time that you are patient with the turbulence of adolescence, you have to listen to, be with, and cherish the person that your unique teenager is.

WIN IT:
Our friends at Tarcher/Penguin Publishing are giving away one copy of this book to a lucky reader of Teenzillas.
Leave a comment and let us know what you would like to learn about raising teens.

Contest is open to Canadian and American residents. Contest closes June 3rd at 9 PM EST.

CONGRATS to @writewrds for winning this contest.