Trying Times with a Turbulent Teen

My Name Is Not Aussie
I am the mother to a teenage son. I call him Aussie, it’s been his nickname since birth. He has never complained about it until recently. Recently I was speaking to him, and all the sudden he snapped back and says “my name is NOT Aussie!” It’s a reminder that he’s a teenager. He is his own person now and he gets to make lots of decisions for himself. Clearly he feels the nickname is a sign of being a child and he is “over it”. That’s unfortunate, because his Dad and I are not, but in that moment I realize that my little guy is not so little anymore.

I started seeing the signs he was growing up a long time ago. When he would wipe my kisses away and scoff in disgust, but I’d get the last laugh and kiss him while he slept. When he would refuse to hold my hand on the way to school, but I insisted because “it was to keep him safe”. Then when he started hanging out with his friends at the park, he’d ask me to sit far away to avoid the embarrassment of my presence. I chose to ignore those signs way back then, telling myself I still had time with my little boy. Then one day I woke up and in front of me was this pseudo-man yelling at me in protest of his nickname. He was still my boy, but now he was nearly six feet talk, had a deep voice and was texting girls and hanging out at the mall. When had this happened? I think it was while I was busy convincing myself he was still my little boy.

I am scared. Really scared. The teen years bring a lot of issues that I am not sure I am ready to deal with. Are we really ever READY? Is there a way to prepare? Of course there is, Deep down we prepare for it for years. I always felt like I knew my son, and I kept myself involved in his life. Recently that has been a bigger challenge, and I’m no so sure anymore. He hides out in his room, texting and playing video games. Our communication is not as often as it once was, but when he chooses to open up and talk to me, I can see that he trusts me. He shares the good and the bad with me. Many times I want to plug my ears and yell “I can’t hear you! I’m not listening!”, but I don’t, I give him my undivided attention and just listen. I realize that sometimes he just needs to talk, without risk of being judged. Often times he tells me things in confidence, situations his friends are in, or trouble that a classmate is dealing with. Sometimes they are really hard for me to hear, mostly because I am scared. Just knowing that he has been faced with drugs, violence and sex is almost more than I can handle, but I know that the time for me to push my way into his life is NOW. As he pulls away, I have to push my way back in. I know I feel like I am not ready to deal with these issues but what kind of parent would I be if I sunk my head into the sand and pretended it would just go away.

No matter how scary the issues are, I HAVE to be his parent, more now than ever before. I firmly believe that, while it seems to get easier as they become independent, it’s really the time for us to get more involved even if they hate it, and trust me they WILL hate it.

Written by Coleen, a regular contributor to Teenzillas. Coleen has two blogs:
It’s Not the Good Kind
Snipits of Me
You can follow Coleen on Twitter @hippofatamus